Tamron Hall felt hopeless doing IVF in her 40s, said everything looked gray

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I just now realized that Tamron Hall’s son, Moses, was born on my daughter’s birthday, April 24. I kept looking at that date and wondering why it looked so familiar and then I remember, aw, that’s when my favorite woman was born. Tamron gave birth to her “sonshine” at the age of 48. Conceiving at her age is difficult anyway, but In Tamron’s case, she mentioned she had other medical factors that added to her fertility challenges. Tamron had tried to conceive via in vitro fertilization in her 30s and those treatments never resulted in a viable pregnancy. But she and husband Steven Greener decided to try again after they’d gotten together. Tamron said going through the same process with both time and physical factors working against her made her see the whole thing in a different way, A grayer, bleaker way.

For Tamron Hall, in vitro fertilization was a big part of her journey toward eventually becoming a mom to son Moses on April 24.

But at first, her emotions about so many women now undergoing the treatment were mixed, as the former Today host had “tried fertility procedures” previously, in her 30s, and not been successful.

“At one of the first fertility clinics, it was so eye-opening,” Hall, 48, recalls to PEOPLE of her “tough” experience this time around. “I walked in, and there were probably 200 women going in and out.”

“You’re smacked with the reality of ‘You’re not alone,’ but it didn’t feel empowering,” she explains. “It felt sad because I thought, ‘We’re not alone, but we’re all still holding on to some hope that some of us will have to give up along the way.’ “

“When I tried in my 30s, I still felt like I had some time, and the fertility clinic felt like a bright room,” she tells PEOPLE. “In my 40s I saw all the gray: The faces looked gray, the walls were gray, nothing seemed shiny and optimistic.”

“Just like with my job search during that time, there were so many frustrations: I’m putting in the work, I’m taking care of my mind and my body, and I’m being rejected,” says Hall of the time following her involuntary departure from Today‘s third hour in 2017.

[From People]

I was fascinated by her description of how she saw the clinic the second time around. But it makes sense, that’s why we have the phrase “looking at life through rose colored glasses.” Optimism helps us filter out any hopelessness. It must have been a shock for Tamron to see the facility in such a way. I imagine there were women there like the 30-year old Tamron who only saw the shine. Getting existential, I wonder how many situations like this we all face regularly. Like banks, I’ll bet at any given time, there is someone who sees only opening doors and someone who only sees dead ends.

Tamron equated herself to Rocky by saying that she, “kept getting up.” I did not have IVF treatments and only have a few friends that did. It is a wonderful option for those who want and are able to pursue it. But it takes a great deal of resources and can take a huge emotional toll. One of my friends did upwards of 12 rounds of IVF before they conceived. I was awed by how she rebounded every time she got upsetting results. But I couldn’t have done it. I might have had the strength, but I could not have afforded more than possibly two rounds. I don’t think Tamron is saying anything other than she is so blessed to have been able to do this. But for anyone reading this who does not have Tamron’s resources, I’m sorry if the cost stopped you. You’re still the Rocky in your story.

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Photo credit: People, Instagram and WENN Photos>

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